Tender Mercies Tonight

Alright, I have just had the best night ever!! I am so freakin blessed, it’s not even funny. But to start off, babies are definitely little miracles that just prove that there is a God, and that He knows EXACTLY what He is doing. My little niece, Celeste Lyn Smith (Say that ten times really fast) was born today and as I went to visit, it’s just amazing what Heavenly Father allows us women to do and accomplish. And someday, I hope to have a little one to call my own, with the man of my life. Babies are just amazing and are truly a gift from God. As parents, we are loaned these precious, sweet little things, to raise while they live here on earth, and then we return them back to our Heavenly Father. It’s just so amazing to think about!! Ok, and the other thing is too- my brother is the sweetest!! First off, I was stressing out, not really wanting to hurry and pack for Utah, because we are coming back in two days anyways, so I decided that I would just stay here in Idaho. So Nate, who was really excited to go down, and wanting me to pick up the pace packing, just decided to stay here with me, after telling him of my plan. And I didn't even have to try to persuade him, he just trusted me, and decided to do whatever I wanted. And then when I went over to borrow the car from him-which he willingly gave up, I got a present from him!! Of course my birthday was last week, but how nice is that?? When I opened up my new pair of swim shorts which miraculously fit perfectly, and three new pairs of earrings, I couldn't help but just cry. I am so loved, and I just have the best brother ever. Who else’s brother plans months ahead for their sister’s birthday, and gets them a present?? Probably not very many.

My family just in general is awesome!! I don't think any family is more perfect for me, than my own. Everyone in my family is so awesome, and the awesomeness just keeps coming!! It’s crazy to think that my family started out as just 10 people, and is now up to 18 people!!And EVERY SINGLE person is special, and just brings so much fun and happiness into our family. So then, as it’s the semester, I took my last final today, hoping to get at least a 64 on my Nutrition test, just to keep my B in the class. Well, I just got home, and looked online, and I got an 83%!!And just to inform you, the last 3 tests I got a 64, 63.5, and then a 64.5. So I was pretty worried. But I passed with an 83! Of course I studied for the past 2-3 hours for it, but I just know right now that I am so blessed. And I just had to write my experiences tonight down. I know that Heavenly Father answers prayers, and He knows exactly what I need, exactly when I need them. And tonight was just proof of that, and that He loves me. And I love Him, and my family so much. They are all so awesome and I can’t wait to see all of them!!

And here is a story I just read that is just a good story.


Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same
hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an
hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from
his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on
his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their
homes, their jobs, their involvement in the
military service, where they had been on
vacation..

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the
window could sit up, he would pass the time by
describing to his roommate all the things he could
see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those
one hour periods where his world would be
broadened and enlivened by all the activity and
colour of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.Ducks and swans played on the water while
children sailed their model boats. Young lovers
walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour
and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen
in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in
exquisite details, the man on the other side of
the room would close his eyes and imagine this
picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window
described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band -
he could see it in his mind's eye as the
gentleman by the window portrayed it with
descriptive words.

Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring
water for their baths only to find the lifeless body
of the man by the window, who had died
peacefully in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital
attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man
asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch, and
after making sure he was comfortable, she left
him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one
elbow to take his first look at the real world
outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window
besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have
compelled his deceased roommate who had
described such wonderful things outside this
window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and
could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage
you.'

There is tremendous happiness in making others
happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness
when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things
you have that money can't buy.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The
Present .

Get Married and Stay that Way!

When parents say that it’s better for them to divorce instead of staying together, it’s actually worse for the kids. But often times, after divorce, they talk badly about each other, and start to hate each other because of reasons of getting custody for the kids. 70% of people in the US believe that 2 years after divorce realize that they made a mistake, and actually regret that they didn’t save their marriage. 70% also remarry within 2 years. Many people actually divorce out of passion, which sounds weird, but makes sense when you think about how people marry out of passion. But, most likely in all cases, you’ll probably have harder challenges after divorce. Which is why divorce can be so hard for everyone! Especially the children. Boys need that father figure, and daughters need a mother. Generally the boys learn from their father how to make money and be responsible, and the girls learn what they need to know about being a future mother.

Elder Faust in a talk he gave, mentioned some reasons for divorce, which are prolonged or abusive wrong actions, and addiction without effort to get help, or if they are just not doing things conducive to the Spirit. In D&C 50:23, it says, “And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness.” And it is evil to know that something is wrong, and to not do anything about it. And in Matt. 18:15-17, it says, “But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” I would just like to encourage everyone, no matter what you are going through to watch this video by Dallin H. Oaks because it’s awesome! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ1yLFIEVNo Oh and also!! This is like the cutest video ever about what a marriage SHOULD be like. It’s just touching!! And I know that if we strive to keep our marriage together, and focus it on Christ and our spouse, we will be blessed and we have that opportunity to live our families forever!!! Which is awesome!! Ok, here’s the awesome video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdCPMwhvJ88

Parents are ESSENTIAL!!!

The way that we parent our kids, affects both the parents and the children. If we spend time with our children, and teach them, we get to know our children, and learn of their wants, needs, goals, and dreams. When parents don’t parent their own kids, they lose that opportunity to truly know and love their own kids. They also don’t learn how to be good parents, and what is needed to know how to be a good parent. They also won’t realize the value of parenting. The Lord allows us to be parents for a reason. We learn and grow so much from teaching, and watching our children grow up, and learn themselves. We learn to love and experience true joy through children. And the Lord is kind and brave enough to lend us HIS children, so that we can raise them and teach them. Children need parents. They need someone to love them, and they need someone to talk to, lean on, and to love.

What are some things that our parents have taught us? What are some experiences that we have gone through with our parents? Now what if our parents were just gone, and we were raised by babysitters, siblings, or nannies? The purposes of parenting is to protect our children, and prepare them to survive and thrive in the world that we live in. We teach our kids to be in the world, but not of the world. If we are not actively participating in their lives, we cannot do that. We should be interested in helping to define our children’s character. 4 Characteristics that all children need to have are: Courage, responsibility, cooperation, and respect. Courage is needed for self-confidence, and its doing the right thing even when you’re scared. Model how to be respectful, because if we want them to treat us with love and respect, then we have to treat them with that same amount.

There are 5 major goals that all children, especially teens strive for. Belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Kids need contact, and to feel belonged. This isn’t a want, it’s a need, and it’s critical. When kids help, they gain a sense of belonging, which everyone wants. And everyone wants to feel like they can fit in, and are loved. Teach them how to contribute, and to cooperate. Both of these make us feel valuable. And little kids especially just LOVE to help work, cook, and clean. It also prepares them to be good parents if we actually let them help, and be responsible.

Give your children responsibility early so that they can conquer harder things later on in life. Responsibility=choice + consequences. People who take responsibility for their actions learn and grow from their mistakes. As parents, we shouldn’t interfere with the consequences our children deserve, and may have agreed on. Love your kids enough to let them have consequences without interfering, so that they can learn. When we put ourselves in our teen’s service and do not require them to accept responsibility for their own behavior, we are not respecting their ability to handle confrontation and stand on their own two feet. We also cannot be passive parents which are uninvolved parents who want to be more of a buddy or friend to their child, more than an actual parent. They just want the child’s approval, and that leads the kids to think that since their parents will do anything for them, they don’t have to listen. If we are passive parents, and don’t give our children any responsibility, nothing happens, and we are even hurting our child.

When giving your children consequences, put the consequence in the form of a choice. But make sure they are choices that you can live with. Ask them their opinions as to what the consequences should be, and let them decide. And make sure the consequence is logically connected to their wrong actions. There are two ways to give a choice. Give an, either/or choice. This works when wanting your kids to stop doing something. When you want kids to start doing something, give them a when/then choice. But these are not to be used as bribes. It was going to happen anyway, you are just emphasizing that the chore needs to be done before anything else, or something like that. And go through with the consequence. Do what you say you are going to do.

The key to communication is to start gently, then gradually get firmer. Use a polite request first, then if that doesn’t work, use an “I message”-it makes the problem the enemy, not the person, and if either aren’t working, use a firm reminder. Tell them. Keep it firm, calm and simple, and do not lecture. It doesn’t help, and it doesn’t get the point you want to make across. And expect your kids to test your patience. It may get worse before it gets better. But children need to learn responsibility, and know that there are consequences to everything that they do.

Make sure you figure out their feelings when discussing the problems. Don’t start off telling them to shape up. Talk to them and find out why they are making the choices that they are. Then let them know that there are still limits in the situation. Then try to find alternatives. It lets the kids know that you are willing to work with them, and let them help decide the things that they can do better. Put them into actions. Then decide the consequences, and make sure they are willing to put into action, the new alternative. The more you discuss feelings, limits, and alternatives, the less you need to use the consequences. And when your child has shaped up, notice their efforts, and recognize them and thank or praise them for following through with the agreements.

Ways that we discourage our teens is by expecting too little, focusing on their mistakes, expecting too much, and overprotecting. It destroys their self-esteem, and they will shut down, and not want to share anything, because they’ll think that nothing will be good enough. And if they don’t want to share, we can just encourage them to do what’s right. They need our unconditional acceptance of love. They need to know that they are valued for themselves, no matter what they do, and how important they are. Instead of expecting too little, show confidence. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, build on their strengths. Instead of expecting too much, learn to value the good they do. And instead of overprotecting, stimulate their independence, and teach them to do things for themselves.

When we don’t get our needs met, we try to receive it with a negative approach. When people don’t get enough attention, they will do anything to get it. Children especially are driven by needs. But unfortunately, you cannot get enough negative attention to feel good. So wise parents will offer concern, and love freely, and don’t wait till a kid is naughty to give them that attention they need. Encourage positive behavior. Write notes and put your thoughts in writing, because it can have a lasting effect on your child, or anyone. Write about their strengths, what you particularly like about them, and areas where you’ve seen improvement.

I was actually just looking through my messages, and found a couple of super nice texts from people that I truly look up to, and admire. These messages really meant a lot to me, and it’s just nice to know when I’m feeling lonely or sad, that there are people who love and care about me, and believe that I am an amazing person, and that I can be someone who can influence others for the better. I know that whenever nice things are said, it makes me feel so much better about myself, and it’s then easier for me to be nice to others. So I would just invite you to go and write to someone how important they are, and how much they mean to you. I know it has affected me, and it will affect the person you tell or write, for the better. Everyone is special and important, and the Lord loves everyone. YOU are special and important, and the Lord loves YOU. I KNOW that that is true, and don’t let any dumb thoughts get into your head saying otherwise. You are awesome. Especially for reading my blog! Because I know that a lot of it doesn’t make much sense. Sorry I’m not the best writer. So Thanks for reading!!

Oh! And if you want a guide on how to be better parents… Read the Book of Mormon. Seriously. This book gives so many examples of awesome parents, and what they do for their children. There are many examples of fantastic parenting, and fantastic parenting styles, you just gotta look for them!! Starting out, in 1st Nephi Chapter 1 verse 1 it says, “I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father… having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God…” Parents are pretty important if they are mentioned in the first verse in the Book of Mormon. And also, why we do what we do is found in 2nd Nephi 25:26. Look it up, and don’t be lazy, unless you have it memorized- then good for you. But teach your kids, and raise them right, and in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Because it’s the best freakin church ever. Seriously.

Working and Moneys

So this last week, we discussed working and money!  I like the second subject much better. Just kidding, but I realized a lot of things. Work is SO important!! Everyone needs to learn how to work, and are going to need to work at some point in their life. And the earlier we learn to work the better. I know that I am so grateful for work because it has taught me so many lessons, and it reminds me of home. Where I LOVE. We need to work together with our families no matter what our circumstances. Our children need to learn early on how to work, so that they are prepared for the future. Work WITH your kids, even when you just want to do it yourself because you know it’ll be much easier, and faster. Don’t do it for them. And let your kids help even when it’s just going to end up messier. That way they can learn.

The thing I remember most is working at home, listening to music, and just having fun doing my chores while getting work done. Work is supposed to fun!! Make it fun! Whenever working unplug those headphones. I know that whenever I had my earphones in when doing my chores at home, I missed out on EVERYTHING. I was off in my own little world, and normally whenever I had my headphones in, I was upset or angry. Now, looking back, I wish I would have just sucked up my sour attitude, and would have been happy. So unplug, because you’re missing out on family work time.

I know that some of my deepest conversations with my mom have come from unloading the dishwasher together. And I don’t think I will ever forget that conversation. I learned so much about my mom’s dating life, and marriage life, that I had never known before. And I guess, I just didn’t think that at one point, she was where I was. Haha. But it was just so cool to talk to her, and to think if I hadn’t have been willing to do my dishes, or she hadn’t have been willing to help me, I never would have had that experience. So I know that working with our parents, can sometimes lead into the best conversations. Here is a site that talks about the importance of family work, and it just made me realize how important working with the family really was, so read it! http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151

                Whenever we were talking about money, we based our conversation on the pamphlet, One for the Money: Guide to Family Finance, by Marvin J. Ashton, which is awesome, and you can read it by going to this link! Click on it. You know you want to. http://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/33293_eng.pdf Heavenly Father wants us to succeed and to be happy. He wants to enjoy our lives and have fun with our families. Heavenly Father loves our families just as much, and even more than we do. Which is why it is so important to lean on Him, and to let Him guide us and our families.

The first point to family finance in this booklet is Paying an Honest Tithing. “Successful financial management in every LDS home begins with the payment of an honest tithe. If our tithing and fast offerings are the first obligations met following the receipt of each paycheck, our commitment to this important gospel principle will be strengthened and the likelihood of financial mismanagement will be reduced. Paying tithing promptly to Him who does not come to check up each month will teach us and our children to be more honest with those physically closer at hand.” And I know that tithing is so important and in Malachia 3:8 it says, “Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.” When we don’t pay our tithing, we are ROBBING God. Not just cheating. ROBBING. That’s crazy! I know how important tithing is, and know that we are blessed whenever we do pay our tithing, and we will be so much happier.

Our bodies are IMPORTANT

So, I just had to write about why it’s important to accept and nurture our bodies for my nutrition class, and decided I would post it! Well first off, our bodies were given to us, and are a gift from God and a place where our Spirits reside. So we should automatically be grateful for that, and know that if we were just given our bodies and spirits from Heavenly Father, that’s pretty important. And since our Heavenly Father has created us, and given us our lives, we are forever in debt to Him, and owe it to Him to take care of our bodies and spirits. Our Bodies are also temples of the Holy Ghost, and we should treat it like we would a real temple by keeping the commandments, and choosing the right. And if we are responsible, and try everything that we can to serve the Lord, and only the Lord, then we will be able to live with our Families Forever in the eternities. And the choices we make now with our bodies, determines our happiness in Heaven. Which is why it is so important to get a body and Spirit, so that we can live with our Families happily, forever.

Elder Holland said, “Be a woman of Christ. Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God. He needs you. This Church needs you. The world needs you. A woman’s abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the Spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life were fiercest… All of this is to try to tell you how your Father in Heaven feels about you and what He has designed for you to become.” We shouldn’t care about what everyone in this world thinks of us, it only matters what God thinks of us. When we do try to fit in with this world, we not only give up our true selves, but we give away our power as well. And this quote tells us just how powerful we really are, so we need to use our bodies and spirits for good! 

Satan is Trying (And hopefully failing. Miserably.)

So this week in class, we focused on communication, and how truly important it is in relationships. When talking to anyone, you should always come into the conversation with a soft tone of voice. When you are angry, upset, stressed, or frustrated at the time, try to either cool down first, or try to say things more sincerely. Especially when talking about conflicts, or problems. And when talking, if the conversation gets too heated, you should either take a break, or just say something that will allow a little bit of stress to leave. That way, you don’t look back and think to yourself, Oh, I shouldn’t have said that, or done that. Because we really do say things that we don’t mean when we are having a hard time, and are upset or angry. I know I say SO many things, and later after thinking about it, I just feel so dumb for saying it, and I know that I shouldn’t have said it. When talking with your spouse, or whoever, you should maybe give up control once in a while. Let your spouse win. Listen intently to their hopes and dreams, and try to work it out. We need to be empathic listeners. When we listen empathically, we just seek to understand, not seek to solve the problem. And most of the time, people just want to talk, and to be understood. Here is a pretty good YouTube video that pretty much teaches us that people just want to be understood. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

We also discussed in class about how important our families are. And I have such a strong testimony of families because I freakin love my family and wouldn’t want my family to be any different. The family was actually the first organization on this earth, that started with Adam and Eve, and if you think about it, families MUST be that important if it was the first. And honestly, what is our church all about??? Making it back to our Heavenly FATHER, and living with our FAMILIES forever!!! That’s so awesome that this whole church exists to teach and support the family. We can go to church and take the sacrament, go to the temple and perform ordinances and make covenants, but what really matters is what we do at home. Our homes should be the best place, a place where we WANT to go to all the time, because our family is there! And it’s pretty crazy how hard Satan tries to destroy every single family. And he knows exactly how to slowly destroy the family and he is pretty good at it too, unfortunately. He puts those nasty thoughts in our head about our siblings, parents, extended family, and others, and tries to get us to act on those nasty thoughts. And whenever we do go and tease our little sister, or whomever, it is Satan wanting us to do that. Which is why we need to do everything we can, to stop him. We shouldn’t be attacking our family, we should be attacking Satan, because he is the real enemy.

In Ephesians 6:12 it says, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” We just need to realize that Satan is always working to tear the family apart, so we need to always try to make it stronger and be doing those righteous things to help. There’s another good scripture that I’ll end off with that’s in Ephesians 4:31-32. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Choose the right, and love! My life is WAY better whenever I do those two things.

Losing a Life

So last week we talked mostly about losing someone. We all have a calling in life, and depending on our calling, our life may be long, or cut very short depending on what we accepted in Heaven. There’s a cool story that I actually found on Facebook that says, “A young man, just before leaving on his mission stood in sacrament meeting and bore in essence the following testimony:
Brothers and Sisters, as you know, the past two weeks I've been waiting for my mission call. During the time I was waiting I had a dream. I knew it was not an ordinary dream. I dreamed I was in the pre-existence and awaiting my call to come to earth. I was filled with the same anticipation and excitement that I had before I received my mission call. In my dream I was talking to a friend, and I felt a special closeness to him, even though I've never met him in this life. As we talked a messenger came and gave me a letter. I knew it was my call to go to earth. In great excitement my friend and I opened the letter. I gave it to him and asked him to read it aloud. It said: "You've been called to earth in a special time and to a special land. You will be born to the true church and you will have the priesthood of God in your home. You will born into a land of plenty, in a land of freedom. You will go to earth in the United States of America."
My friend and I rejoiced as we read my call, and while we were rejoicing the messenger returned. This time he had a letter for my friend. We knew it was his call to earth. My friend gave me the letter to read aloud. His letter said: "You've been called to go to the earth in circumstances of poverty and strife. You will not be raised in the true church. Many hardships will attend your life. Your land will be fraught with political and social difficulties - which will hinder the work of the Lord. You will be born in Costa Rica."
We wept, my friend and I, as we read his call. And my friend looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said, "When we are down on earth, you in your choice land and me in Costa Rica, my friend, please come and find me."
This young missionary, with tears in his eyes, said, "Brothers and Sisters, I have received my mission call. I am going to Costa Rica."
There is a sequel to the story. About a year after the sacrament meeting, the bishop received a letter from the missionary in Costa Rica. The letter had one sheet of paper in it and on that sheet written in capital letters were four words:
I FOUND MY FRIEND.”

I loved this because I know that we are called into our circumstances, before we come down to earth and that everyone comes down to earth for a purpose. But in class, we were discussing how some peoples purpose to come to earth is to die. Which I thought was very interesting, but I can see now how that would make sense. When we lose someone, we gain a better understanding of what Heavenly Father went through (and also what Christ went through). But mostly what our Heavenly Father experienced, whenever he watched Christ suffer and die. I think Heavenly Father went through the most pain, watching his own Son be mocked, whipped, persecuted, and just had to witness Him being treated so unfairly. And I think this was so hard for Him because Heavenly Father had the power to stop everything, but He didn’t, because He knew Christ’s purpose for coming to earth. And even Christ pleaded in Luke 22:42, Heavenly Father knew that Christ had to suffer, and die. For me, and for you. And just to refresh, when Christ was performing the atonement, suffering, he states “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.”

And I just have so much respect for Heavenly Father for the being the amazing parent that He is.  Of course just being Christ’s father is awesome, but He had to watch His own son suffer and die-having the power to stop it, but restraining, so that we could all benefit. I have not been through exactly what Heavenly Father has in terms of losing a child, but I am sure that so many people know what that is like, and have lost someone very close to them. But I know, despite how difficult it is, that those who die, knew that before they came to earth, and they chose to take on that challenge in this life. And dang, they must be SO blessed for it. And luckily, parents have the privilege to raise their kids in the Millennium if they are righteous and keep their covenants with the Lord. I know that when we lose someone, we do gain a better understanding of many things, but mostly an understanding of what our Heavenly Father went through. And I just love both Christ and my Heavenly Father for everything that they do, and go through to make everyone happy, and able to live with them again.

Be Committed and Loyal

So this week, we talked about marriage, and children, and intimacy inside marriage, and also intimacy that can happen outside of marriage if you’re not careful. And after talking about it, this whole week, staying true to your spouse is one of the most important things you can do when married. I read a document talking about marriage and intimacy and I pretty much loved everything that it said. So I’ll probably just be quoting from the document because it was just awesome. “President Spencer W. Kimball (1962) taught that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.” We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our heart, might, mind, and strength (D&C 4:2). We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed, our spouse is the only other things besides God who we are commanded to love with all our heart. We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto none else (D&C 42:22).”

Even though I’m not married, I can testify that what President Kimball said is so true, by looking at the examples of my parents, grandparents, siblings, and other peoples relationships. Theres a cool story that I want to share from what I read that says, “Once there were three men each trying to secure a job as a teamster (wagon driver). The freight company only wanted to have the very best drivers for their wagons, so they gave each potential driver a test. The test was to drive a wagon up a steep mountain road where one side of the road was a cliff. The first driver, eager to show his superior skills as a driver, drove the wagon up the road with the wheel of the wagon right on the edge of the cliff. The second driver was even more impressive; with great skill and dexterity he managed to drive the wagon up the road with half the wagon wheel teetering over the edge of the cliff! The third driver was not so talented and drove the wagon as far from the cliff as possible. Who got the job? The third driver, of course. With wagons as well as with marriages, the moral of the story is the same: If our cargo is truly precious (and it is), we will drive our wagon as far from the cliff as possible.”

And I loved this story and the analogy of marriage that it had. And it could pretty much symbolize anything, but I like how it makes you think of yourself, and ask, Where do you drive? We can’t just be riding the line, or even close to it, because the closer we are to it, the closer we are to falling off that edge. And once you fall, it’s a long ways down, and most likely a long journey, climbing back up. This next story I found very interesting, but it put in perspective, just how important it is to know where you drive and to set a standard as to how close to the line you will ride.

“Two young, recently married LDS men were hired as social workers at a mental health agency. In their positions, Ross and Devin were often teamed up with a female case worker when making home visits to some clients. Ross and his wife had decided early on in their marriage that it was generally a bad idea to travel alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex and that this should be avoided whenever possible. Ross struggled to find explanations for not wanting to ride in the same car as the co-worker on these appointments. After all, how do you say, “Um, I don’t want to ride together because we might end up having an affair”? Ross awkwardly found excuses to drive his own car whenever possible. Devin was also in the same situation but felt like riding together in the same car as the female co-workers was just part of the job. He felt that this was all professional and he loved his wife deeply and was therefore safe.

After several months, Devin approached Ross in private, hung his head and said, “I don’t want you to think badly of me, but I think I’m falling in love with Savannah.” Savannah was one of the co-workers who was many years older than Devin and was a single, divorced mother. How does a happily-married, faithful priesthood holder fall in love with a divorced single mother many years his senior? It happens the same way that we fall in love with our spouse in the first place. We spend time together, we share our hopes and dreams together, and we discuss our problems and disappointments together. All of these things build emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy forms part of the foundation of a loving relationship.

In the end, Devin was able to save his marriage after months of pain for both him and his wife and after years of rebuilding trust. So, what is worse? Ross’s awkward moments? Or Devin’s months and years of pain and problems? If our cargo is truly precious, it is best to drive our wagon as far away from the edge as possible.”

I loved this story and how it teaches you to set boundaries as to how close you get to the edge. Once you get married, set boundaries between friends, and how much time you’ll spend away from your spouse, or even when dating or when you’re engaged, decide what you’re going to do to keep your relationship as strong as possible. Be committed to each other once you start dating so that it will be a habit once married. If you don’t set boundaries as a couple, and decide what you are going to do, and how you aren’t going to pass those boundaries, then it will be easier to get closer and closer to the edge, and then the next thing you know, you’ve crossed the line, and lost that one you held so dear. And I love this last quote by President Hinckley, and know that if we are faithful and try everything we can in our power to stay true to our companion, the Lord will bless us, and we will be so much happier.

“Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another.”

Marriage!

So this week in class we talked about marriage. And of course I, having never experienced it, learned a lot!! We first talked about all the changes that we have to go through whenever we get married. When you’re single, you are only thinking about yourself. What you’re going to eat, what you’re going to buy, what you’re going to do with your time. You only have to think about yourself. That’s why it is so hard for some people to get married because now it’s not all about you, you have yourself AND someone else to think about. You have to distribute certain responsibilities between you and your spouse, budget better, make decisions together, balance out schedules, change lifestyles, change social connections and circles, establish family boundaries, and most importantly, accommodate each other. When we get married and have to live with someone, accommodation is the most important factor in a healthy marriage. You can’t just change other people and I think a lot of the times that is what we all try to do. We try to tell someone what they can do better, or what their faults are, but in the end, it doesn't do much because unless they are willing to change themselves, they don’t change.

No matter how much we want that change to happen, it’s up to them to make that change. And when people have faults, they know what their faults are, and know what they need to change. It’s probably just hard for them, or they have no motivation to change. Trying to tell someone every time they do something wrong in a relationship is like putting a dog collar on them, and every time you don’t like what they are doing, you shock them. How annoying would that be? Yes of course, it eventually gets the job done with dogs, but in relationships, that would just get annoying, and so annoying to the extent of breaking up, or even just giving up. And you want to love the other person, not get annoyed by everything they try to correct you on. Marital happiness is definitely not based on the success of being able to change each other. It is based on compromising, cooperating, and accommodating. We have to help each other until both our needs are met.

And going along with that, we need to be thankful. For everything. What would happen if we thanked our significant other, or showed our appreciation for them, ALL THE TIME? I bet a lot of things would change. One thing that I have noticed whenever I am thanking someone, is once I start, I just keep on thinking of more things I am grateful for. So my mind is just opened up to everything I should be appreciative of, and I realize just how many blessings I have. And let me tell you, it’s a lot. I think that we also don’t take our blessings for granted. If we realize how much we have, it’s harder to be selfish, and harder to think about what we don’t have. We value it a lot more after being thankful, because we actually realize what we have, and how blessed we really are. And honestly, people want to be thanked. Everyone wants to hear that they are appreciated, or that they are loved. Once they know that what they are doing is a good thing, they can be more confident in what they do and also just more confident in themselves.

I think a lot of the times we compare ourselves with other people, and how much we may have, or don’t have, in relation to them. We also tend to compare our weaknesses with other peoples strengths. Which doesn't make sense at all, but if you think about that, it’s so true. I compare myself and my situations with other people all the time. But I really just need to stop comparing all together, because in the end it only makes me feel worse about myself. And we talked in class how couples in particular, compare their lives, with other couples. Some couples have it easy, and others have a difficult time at first. But there is an advantage to having nothing, or having a hard time- you have to WORK. Together. You have to make the effort to labor together to get what you want. And after knowing how to work, you are more humble for what you earned, and it teaches you to be careful with what you have. So should you be jealous of people who have it easy? Absolutely not. If you think about it, no one has a great marriage that hasn't had to work hard for it. But when it looks like other people have it easy, there is almost always a problem that they are dealing with, that you just don’t know about. So we can’t just judge others because it looks like they have it all, and that it all comes easily. We have no idea what they are going through, or what they are actually dealing with, in their lives. So just worry about yourself and your spouse, be grateful for what you have by thanking others often, and love others just the way they are.

Dating!!

So I absolutely LOVED this week’s topic in class, and loved the points brought up about dating!! There were so many interesting thoughts and I learned so much!! And to start off, I love dating! It’s pretty much the awesomest. But there are a lot of problems with people and dating going on right now, it’s kinda crazy. We used to date all the time, but now dating isn’t taken so seriously, and many people have either given up on dating, or just don’t want to. What is dating, or rather, what is a date?? It is a paired off, planned, and paid for event. It’s a pretty cool concept. So the first thing to do, maybe before even going on a date, you should get to know the other person a little. And then, once you know that person, and you’ve been on dates and spent time with them, you gotta kinda decide if you want to date them. And it’s funny because normally (especially up here in Idaho) people think that there is a time frame of when a person should get married. But no, the Lord knows us, and he knows our future spouse, and there is a time and place for everything. And He knows when that time is, so we just need to be patient with Him, others, and ourselves. But something else that is interesting to think about is why you date someone. I think most of the time, we date for “Mate Selection”. We are looking for that one person to come along and sweep us off our feet. But that’s not WHY we date. Dating isn’t all about finding that one person, its more about the experience and the lessons you learn, and the things you not only find out about others, but that you find out about yourself as well. Dating refines people and allows us to try new things and adapt to new situations. We practice for when we DO find that person, and we demonstrate what we are capable of doing. But with that being said, dating is also pretty serious.

Whenever we date someone exclusively, we should be committed to them, and should only focus on them, because dating is a commitment. You should never date anyone exclusively unless you are ready for marriage. Because let’s be honest, dating leads to marriage. But the most important part of dating is knowing someone. Which usually takes about 3 months, and it requires 3 words. Talk, Time, and Togetherness. With talking, you get a mutual disclosure and should feel comfortable talking about anything, like your feelings, hopes, dreams, goals, family, background, and so much more than just the everyday conversations. When you are together, you should be engaging in a variety of different activities, and actually it’s through togetherness, that you truly get to know someone. Time is also very important. You have to be willing to drop whatever it is you’re doing, make time, and serve someone else. And if you truly want to know someone, talk, be together, and spend time with them.

                Now I want to tell you about the Relationship Attachment Model which is so awesome, so don’t fall asleep! The first step to being in a relationship is KNOWING someone. You gotta talk, be together, and spend time with each other, like I said earlier. The second step is TRUSTING someone. You have to be willing to share things that you don’t normally share, or say things that you don’t normally say to that certain person. When you trust someone, you forget about yourself and open up to others. The third step is RELYING on someone. You have to put more strength in the other person. You have to be willing to not only trust them with the things that matter to you, but believe in them, and put your trust IN them. The third step is COMMITTING to someone. You have to be willing to not worry about anyone else, and just stay true to that one person. You are ruling everyone else out of the picture, and are staying true, even if there are others out there. And they need to know that you are committed. The last step is TOUCHING someone. And there is a reason its last. Touch is like glue- once you get it, you don’t want it to leave or stop. It should always be last because touching messes with our brains which is affected by our emotional state. Have you ever noticed that when you’re happy, everyone and everything becomes happy as well? Well of course not everything, but our views change when our emotions change. We just don’t see much of anything else when our emotions control us. Well anyways, those are some pretty cool things that I learned this week, and I’m so grateful that I took this class because I am learning so much, and there’s so many things I want to talk more about, but that would just take forever. But anyways, good things to just think about, and ask myself.

Gender Roles and Marriage

This week in class, we talked a lot about gender typical behaviors and roles. I definitely believe that boys and girls, women and men are just naturally different. Everyone is different. We all have different roles, and are interested in different things and at different times. We can expose people to different things, but it’s up to them to decide what they are actually interested in. I definitely believe this to be true because there have been things in my own life, that have been pressured on me, like playing the violin, by my mom, dad, sister, teacher, and other family members, but because I just wasn't interested in that, I stopped trying and caring. We talked about how female tendencies are different than male tendencies by the toys we play with, how we act, how we treat people, how we express ourselves, and other ways. We are different because of social influences like the media, and people interaction, but also because in Heaven, we were created as either a man or woman.

So basically in class, we discussed if we are who we are because of nature- which is how we were born, or nurture-how we became by influences. And while I definitely believe that Heavenly Father made us who we are, I also believe that we are shaped and defined by this world.  In the Family: A Proclamation to the World it states that women are primarily responsible to nurture and care for children. This does not mean that this is the only role women/mothers have, but it what we are primarily responsible for. In the Proclamation, it states that men are primarily responsible to provide, protect, and preside. Both roles of men and women are equally important. One role or person is not better than the other. And I think that these roles are here for us, for a reason. It gives everyone something to do, and to be responsible for. And if one role doesn't get filled in a family, like if a single mother is raising her kids by herself, she will take upon herself to fulfill the roles of the man. So it doesn't really matter how these roles are filled, it just matters that they are.

In class we also talked about how marriage is not natural, because it is combining two very different people together, and making them be as one. And as I was thinking about this, I realized that this is so true! It’s not a natural thing to do, but thankfully we do it anyways and Heavenly Father wants us to marry. But with that being said, marriage is defined as a man and a woman lawfully and legally married. Once married, we have to be as one and cleave unto each other. Genesis 2:24. Which is so awesome, because once married, we have a family, and can create families. We help each other in marriage, and change each other for the better as long as both partners are close to God. I know that we each have a certain role, and we have those roles so that we can ALL grow closer to Christ. I know that marriage in a family is the best way to get all the roles fulfilled and I can’t wait until I can someday get married and start a family of my own, and bring children into the world so that they can do the same.

Families are the BEST!

So I just had to write something about my weekend, because it was truly a crazy weekend, and it was Mother’s day, so how can I NOT write about my mother?!! But I KNOW without a doubt, that the Lord loves us, and He is always watching out for us. So anyways, this last weekend, everything was all fine, and happy and good, because I was prepared to give my lesson in Gospel Doctrine, and of course because it was Mother’s day! After my lesson was over, we all leave to go to relief society and priesthood, and I see my brother’s roommate walking by, and ask him where Nathan was, since I didn’t see him in Sacrament.  Well, he gets this concerned look on his face, and says, “Has Lindsay called you yet?” And since my sister in law Lindsay is pregnant, I figured Nate was helping her with something, or like, giving her a blessing or something. But no. So I call Lindsay and she said something along these lines, “So as you’ve noticed, Nate isn’t at church today. Yesterday, around 9am, him and Jarin (my cousin), and Simon (my brothers roommate) left to go to the ice caves, and they haven’t come back yet. And this morning, Barrett, (my brother married to Lindsay) and Matt (Jarins brother in law) and their friend went to the ice caves this morning to try to find them. Denis called search and rescue, the police, and pretty much everyone he could, this morning at 5 when he knew something was wrong.” Well at this point, I had no idea what to think, and all these bad solutions were running through my mind, mostly the idea that they had all died. And this was pretty much the only evidence I had. After I hung up with Lindsay, I immediately went into the bathroom. And cried.

After about 15 minutes, I realized that my crying wasn’t doing any good, and that I needed to pray. Really hard. And that EVERYONE else on the entire planet needed to pray for my brother too. So I went back into relief society, and told my relief society president to tell everyone to pray for them as well. And then I sat down, and tears just wouldn’t stop coming. And of course whenever someone asked me what was wrong, I couldn’t say anything and just cried harder. But, after all the announcements, the relief society president looked at me, and asked if everyone could get down on their knees, so that we could all pray together. That was way cool of her to do that, and I just felt that the Spirit was there. So during the lesson, Denis comes in, and tells me that search and rescue have found Nate’s car, and they are headed into the cave to find them. And just to let you all know, it takes about 8 hours to get through the whole cave. And this was an ice cave. And they have already been in there for about 24 hours. Which a LONG time!!

Anyways, Denis leaves, and then soon enough relief society is over, and then I practically race home, ball my eyes out on my bed, and then get ready to walk over to Barrett’s apartment. On my way over there, I pretty much call my whole family, and a couple of Nate’s closest friends, just to notify them and to tell them to keep Nate in their prayers. And Jarin and Simon. When I get to Barrett’s, me and Lindsay are just sitting on the couch, waiting for Barrett to call and give us an update, and she’s trying to tell me that everything is gunna be ok, and that they are tough boys. But half of me is still thinking of all the bad things that really could be happening. Worst Sunday ever? Yes. But then, Barrett finally calls, after about an hour, and tells me that they found all three of them, and they think they are all ok. Well, the search and rescue only saw their little shadow bubbles because it turns out they were stuck behind about a 6 foot wall of ice, a frozen avalanche, making it impossible for them to exit the caves. And what normally is only an 8 hour hike, it took them about 14 hours to get to where they were. So after communicating (by screaming) with the search and rescue team, the boys were able to say that there were no injuries, and that they were all just cold, tired, and wet. So both sides went to work, hacking away at the wall of ice. Once I heard this news, I was quite relieved, but I still wasn’t satisfied until I actually saw those crazy boys with my own eyes. A part of me decided I was just gunna give Nathan a big hug when I first saw him, and then slap him across the face, and tell him how he better not do that. EVER AGAIN. But, luckily for him, I refrained from the slapping part. But it wasn’t until about 8pm Sunday night that I saw him and Simon, and holy cow did it take forever for them to get home. Literally.

Anyways, after seeing Nate, I realized many things. One: By the end of the day, my Sunday had turned out to be the best Sunday. Two: I don’t think I could handle actually losing a sibling. Three: I love Nate. Like A LOT. Four: Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ KNOW us, and they love us SO much. Five: Heavenly Father answers ALL our prayers. Especially mine. Six: Everything is ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end. So with all those lessons, I have definitely learned to trust in my Savior, and to let Him take care of all my problems. I love my brother so much. Probably more than he knows. He is an amazing example to me. I know that we always haven’t had the best relationship- I mean, what family doesn’t tease each other or get on each other’s nerves once in a while- but I do know, that I would definitely consider him one of my best friends. And it’s probably not easy having an annoying little sister up at college, wanting to follow him everywhere he goes, but he is just such a good influence on me, it’s hard not to. He is always so fun, and full of energy (sometimes a little too much energy) but his bright smile, and loving personality is exactly what I love. I truly don’t know what I would have done if he never would have come back from those caves, and I just thank Heavenly Father every day that I have him in my life. I am so glad that he is my brother, and that we are sealed together in the same family. I love you Nate!!

So now about my mom. Dang, she is just awesome. I guess I was just born into an awesome family. Aren’t I so lucky? But as I called my mom Sunday night, I could barely say anything to her, because I can’t really put into words how much I love and adore her. She is always so willing to help others, and has the prefect “service” attitude. And this just being my second semester away from home, I have missed her more and more every day. And I don’t know why I miss my home and everyone at home so much more now, than I did my first semester, but it just kinda kills me every time I think about home, and not being able to be there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get all my mom’s qualities, but she has definitely rubbed off on me, and has made me the woman I am today. I know that she genuinely cares about each of her 8 kids, and the rest of our family, and I have felt her prayers. She is truly just amazing. She is always so sweet, and can love anyone unconditionally. If there is any woman I want to be like, it would DEFINITELY have to be my mother. I love and miss her so much, and count down the days that I can go back home. I’m so grateful that she was willing to have each one of my siblings, but especially me. There is just no other family that I would rather be a part of. Well, there are so many more things I could say about everyone in my family, but it would take a VERY. LONG. TIME. But I love the Lord, and know that He answers our prayers, and I also know that Families are the most important thing, and that mine is the BEST!!!! I love you family!!! A LOT!

Family Really Works

So this week in my Family Relations class, we talked about how the family is supposed to work. Together. Which all ties back into the Proclamation, because it’s just that awesome! We talked about how the mother after having kids, attaches to them, but mostly to her daughters. I think it’s just a woman thing. Men do their “Manly Bonding”, and us girls do whatever we do, eat ice cream and watch movies, I don’t know. But when this happens, (the mom and the daughter getting too close), the mother and father then pull away from each other, like a rubber band. This is bad because the family just can’t work like that. Why? Because if we have a mother and daughter who are close, probably a little too close, they form a bond where the mother might become over protective, or over involved in the daughters life. Which means that if the daughter does pretty much ANYTHING, the mother is right there with her. This creates a problem because now, the daughter controls mom because she can MAKE mom respond to her. And daughter can twist it up, so mom takes her side, or mom helps daughter out. So the daughter controls the mom, and gets the reaction she wants, out of mom. And the closer that mom and daughter are, the farther apart they both grow from dad. Which destroys mom and dad’s marriage. And since dad maybe works a lot, is out of the loop, or just gone, he doesn't really connect with his daughter, and is losing connection with his wife, because the bond between mom and daughter are closer than his own. This is wrong, and in Genesis 2:24 it states, "Therefore shall man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." 

I truly believe that nothing is more important in a family, than the relationship between the mother and father. They need each other. They are together for a reason. They need to support each other and realize that they have each other to trust, and love. No one should be closer in a family than the mom and dad.  And once mom and dad are exactly equal, then they can go, and bond with their kids. I know this to be true because of my own parents. As much as my mom loves me, oh and all my other siblings, she loves my dad the most. And my dad loves her the most too. Which is exactly why my family is so close. My mother and father have an equal relationship not only with each other, but also with all of us kids.  And because of the love they have for each other, it has been an example for me and all my siblings. All of my married siblings were married and sealed in the temple worthily, and their temple sealing’s are still valid today, because of their great bonds. So thanks to my parents, my family is staying strong, and we are all trying to do our best, following their example of what a strong marriage is supposed to be like.

So all my talking is leading somewhere I promise. How we can apply this to our lives. So first, ask if there are any cliques or groups in your family, know where they are, and try to find out why they are there. Just realizing that there is a problem conquers half the battle. Then, think about what you can do, to help either build up those relationships that need to be stronger, or break away from those that are too close, that cause uneasiness with others. But hands down, strengthen your relationship with your spouse. And if you’re not married, then…. Strengthen your relationship with Christ, which we should all be doing anyways. He should actually be included in our relationships, but back to our families. Mom and Dad HAVE to have an equal, strong relationship before anything else, so that the kids can look at their parents for an example of a happy, and united marriage, and also, so that the kids know that they are loved by both parents equally, and that they love each other. I LOVE FAMILY!!! Especially mine.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Here is the link to open the Proclamation!

https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng

                 So The Family: A Proclamation to the World, basically just shares what we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe. We believe that everyone is important and is here for a reason, and that everyone is an essential part of Gods plan. He loves us all no matter what. But Family is so very important and it is something we all need to strive for. The Lord defines marriage as one man and one woman lawfully married as husband and wife. Thankfully, those marriages continue after we die, when we are sealed to our spouse in the Holy Temple. In the pre earth-life, we all decided to follow Gods plan, and here on earth, we strive to obey Him and become perfect, so that we can be with our families, and the Lord, forever. Our duty as Gods children is to multiply and replenish the earth with children, but only after marriage between a man and a woman. Children are entitled to be born within a marriage, and to parents who are righteous, and willing to obey all the commandments. 

                Our sacred responsibility is to love others and care for them, especially our children. We are accountable for our actions which is why it is so important to teach our children the ways of the Lord. We have to teach them to love one another, serve one another, care for one another, obey the laws of the land, and obey the commandments of God. Our families and marriages are truly successful and happy only when we follow the teachings of our Savior. It is the father’s responsibility to provide for the family, while the mothers responsibility is to nurture and teach her children. But the man and woman are as equal partners, and should be treated as such. Certain circumstances may not allow for a dual partnership in which case help should be given wherever needed. Since we are accountable before God at the last day, we should stay away from adultery, procreation before marriage, and abusing others. Our children should be one of the most important people in our lives along with our husbands of course but our kids especially because they are and should be, our most prized possessions. Everyone everywhere should know about how important the family is, and how our family should be strengthened and fortified with our Savior, Jesus Christ.

                I love this document for not only the truth it shares, but for the spirit it brings to me when reading it. My family really is THE MOST important people in my life right now and I am so glad that I was born into it. Both of my parents are the best parents ever and have definitely raised me, and my other 7 siblings in righteousness, and have taught us the ways of the Lord. All of my siblings are amazing examples to me because all of them of age have served faithful missions and have gotten married in the temple. So this proclamation, I just know that its true and I know how much it blesses you, to actually bring up children, using this proclamation as a guide. I know that now a days, people of the same gender are able to get married and they do so quite frequently now. But I know how much they are going to regret it. And the children they raise have no idea what they are missing out on. But I think that when that judgment day comes around, they will be very regretful. Because I know how important it is to have a marriage between a man and a woman who honor their vows and their Heavenly Father to the best of their ability. 

                And I am so grateful for my parents working as hard as they can to make their family a happy and successful family. There have been so many, so many times, in my life when the Spirit has told me how lucky I am to be a part of an amazing family, because a lot of people don’t have that opportunity, or ability. And I am SO excited to one day, find a husband worthy to marry and get sealed to, in the temple. And I only hope that I can be as good as a mother, as my mother is to me. And when that judgment day comes, I hope I will be excited and ready for it. And I know that the Lord will help me, if I but turn to Him, and obey his teachings.

Family Relations

           Hi, I'm Caryn Smith, and I am super excited to be starting a blog! I started it because I'm in a class called Family Relations, and I'm so glad I got in. I think this class will really open my eyes to Family, whom I already love dearly, and have a strong testimony about, but I hope I learn a lot, and I'm positive I will.