Marriage!

So this week in class we talked about marriage. And of course I, having never experienced it, learned a lot!! We first talked about all the changes that we have to go through whenever we get married. When you’re single, you are only thinking about yourself. What you’re going to eat, what you’re going to buy, what you’re going to do with your time. You only have to think about yourself. That’s why it is so hard for some people to get married because now it’s not all about you, you have yourself AND someone else to think about. You have to distribute certain responsibilities between you and your spouse, budget better, make decisions together, balance out schedules, change lifestyles, change social connections and circles, establish family boundaries, and most importantly, accommodate each other. When we get married and have to live with someone, accommodation is the most important factor in a healthy marriage. You can’t just change other people and I think a lot of the times that is what we all try to do. We try to tell someone what they can do better, or what their faults are, but in the end, it doesn't do much because unless they are willing to change themselves, they don’t change.

No matter how much we want that change to happen, it’s up to them to make that change. And when people have faults, they know what their faults are, and know what they need to change. It’s probably just hard for them, or they have no motivation to change. Trying to tell someone every time they do something wrong in a relationship is like putting a dog collar on them, and every time you don’t like what they are doing, you shock them. How annoying would that be? Yes of course, it eventually gets the job done with dogs, but in relationships, that would just get annoying, and so annoying to the extent of breaking up, or even just giving up. And you want to love the other person, not get annoyed by everything they try to correct you on. Marital happiness is definitely not based on the success of being able to change each other. It is based on compromising, cooperating, and accommodating. We have to help each other until both our needs are met.

And going along with that, we need to be thankful. For everything. What would happen if we thanked our significant other, or showed our appreciation for them, ALL THE TIME? I bet a lot of things would change. One thing that I have noticed whenever I am thanking someone, is once I start, I just keep on thinking of more things I am grateful for. So my mind is just opened up to everything I should be appreciative of, and I realize just how many blessings I have. And let me tell you, it’s a lot. I think that we also don’t take our blessings for granted. If we realize how much we have, it’s harder to be selfish, and harder to think about what we don’t have. We value it a lot more after being thankful, because we actually realize what we have, and how blessed we really are. And honestly, people want to be thanked. Everyone wants to hear that they are appreciated, or that they are loved. Once they know that what they are doing is a good thing, they can be more confident in what they do and also just more confident in themselves.

I think a lot of the times we compare ourselves with other people, and how much we may have, or don’t have, in relation to them. We also tend to compare our weaknesses with other peoples strengths. Which doesn't make sense at all, but if you think about that, it’s so true. I compare myself and my situations with other people all the time. But I really just need to stop comparing all together, because in the end it only makes me feel worse about myself. And we talked in class how couples in particular, compare their lives, with other couples. Some couples have it easy, and others have a difficult time at first. But there is an advantage to having nothing, or having a hard time- you have to WORK. Together. You have to make the effort to labor together to get what you want. And after knowing how to work, you are more humble for what you earned, and it teaches you to be careful with what you have. So should you be jealous of people who have it easy? Absolutely not. If you think about it, no one has a great marriage that hasn't had to work hard for it. But when it looks like other people have it easy, there is almost always a problem that they are dealing with, that you just don’t know about. So we can’t just judge others because it looks like they have it all, and that it all comes easily. We have no idea what they are going through, or what they are actually dealing with, in their lives. So just worry about yourself and your spouse, be grateful for what you have by thanking others often, and love others just the way they are.