Be Committed and Loyal

So this week, we talked about marriage, and children, and intimacy inside marriage, and also intimacy that can happen outside of marriage if you’re not careful. And after talking about it, this whole week, staying true to your spouse is one of the most important things you can do when married. I read a document talking about marriage and intimacy and I pretty much loved everything that it said. So I’ll probably just be quoting from the document because it was just awesome. “President Spencer W. Kimball (1962) taught that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.” We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our heart, might, mind, and strength (D&C 4:2). We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed, our spouse is the only other things besides God who we are commanded to love with all our heart. We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto none else (D&C 42:22).”

Even though I’m not married, I can testify that what President Kimball said is so true, by looking at the examples of my parents, grandparents, siblings, and other peoples relationships. Theres a cool story that I want to share from what I read that says, “Once there were three men each trying to secure a job as a teamster (wagon driver). The freight company only wanted to have the very best drivers for their wagons, so they gave each potential driver a test. The test was to drive a wagon up a steep mountain road where one side of the road was a cliff. The first driver, eager to show his superior skills as a driver, drove the wagon up the road with the wheel of the wagon right on the edge of the cliff. The second driver was even more impressive; with great skill and dexterity he managed to drive the wagon up the road with half the wagon wheel teetering over the edge of the cliff! The third driver was not so talented and drove the wagon as far from the cliff as possible. Who got the job? The third driver, of course. With wagons as well as with marriages, the moral of the story is the same: If our cargo is truly precious (and it is), we will drive our wagon as far from the cliff as possible.”

And I loved this story and the analogy of marriage that it had. And it could pretty much symbolize anything, but I like how it makes you think of yourself, and ask, Where do you drive? We can’t just be riding the line, or even close to it, because the closer we are to it, the closer we are to falling off that edge. And once you fall, it’s a long ways down, and most likely a long journey, climbing back up. This next story I found very interesting, but it put in perspective, just how important it is to know where you drive and to set a standard as to how close to the line you will ride.

“Two young, recently married LDS men were hired as social workers at a mental health agency. In their positions, Ross and Devin were often teamed up with a female case worker when making home visits to some clients. Ross and his wife had decided early on in their marriage that it was generally a bad idea to travel alone in a car with someone of the opposite sex and that this should be avoided whenever possible. Ross struggled to find explanations for not wanting to ride in the same car as the co-worker on these appointments. After all, how do you say, “Um, I don’t want to ride together because we might end up having an affair”? Ross awkwardly found excuses to drive his own car whenever possible. Devin was also in the same situation but felt like riding together in the same car as the female co-workers was just part of the job. He felt that this was all professional and he loved his wife deeply and was therefore safe.

After several months, Devin approached Ross in private, hung his head and said, “I don’t want you to think badly of me, but I think I’m falling in love with Savannah.” Savannah was one of the co-workers who was many years older than Devin and was a single, divorced mother. How does a happily-married, faithful priesthood holder fall in love with a divorced single mother many years his senior? It happens the same way that we fall in love with our spouse in the first place. We spend time together, we share our hopes and dreams together, and we discuss our problems and disappointments together. All of these things build emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy forms part of the foundation of a loving relationship.

In the end, Devin was able to save his marriage after months of pain for both him and his wife and after years of rebuilding trust. So, what is worse? Ross’s awkward moments? Or Devin’s months and years of pain and problems? If our cargo is truly precious, it is best to drive our wagon as far away from the edge as possible.”

I loved this story and how it teaches you to set boundaries as to how close you get to the edge. Once you get married, set boundaries between friends, and how much time you’ll spend away from your spouse, or even when dating or when you’re engaged, decide what you’re going to do to keep your relationship as strong as possible. Be committed to each other once you start dating so that it will be a habit once married. If you don’t set boundaries as a couple, and decide what you are going to do, and how you aren’t going to pass those boundaries, then it will be easier to get closer and closer to the edge, and then the next thing you know, you’ve crossed the line, and lost that one you held so dear. And I love this last quote by President Hinckley, and know that if we are faithful and try everything we can in our power to stay true to our companion, the Lord will bless us, and we will be so much happier.

“Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work. Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another.”