Parents are ESSENTIAL!!!

The way that we parent our kids, affects both the parents and the children. If we spend time with our children, and teach them, we get to know our children, and learn of their wants, needs, goals, and dreams. When parents don’t parent their own kids, they lose that opportunity to truly know and love their own kids. They also don’t learn how to be good parents, and what is needed to know how to be a good parent. They also won’t realize the value of parenting. The Lord allows us to be parents for a reason. We learn and grow so much from teaching, and watching our children grow up, and learn themselves. We learn to love and experience true joy through children. And the Lord is kind and brave enough to lend us HIS children, so that we can raise them and teach them. Children need parents. They need someone to love them, and they need someone to talk to, lean on, and to love.

What are some things that our parents have taught us? What are some experiences that we have gone through with our parents? Now what if our parents were just gone, and we were raised by babysitters, siblings, or nannies? The purposes of parenting is to protect our children, and prepare them to survive and thrive in the world that we live in. We teach our kids to be in the world, but not of the world. If we are not actively participating in their lives, we cannot do that. We should be interested in helping to define our children’s character. 4 Characteristics that all children need to have are: Courage, responsibility, cooperation, and respect. Courage is needed for self-confidence, and its doing the right thing even when you’re scared. Model how to be respectful, because if we want them to treat us with love and respect, then we have to treat them with that same amount.

There are 5 major goals that all children, especially teens strive for. Belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Kids need contact, and to feel belonged. This isn’t a want, it’s a need, and it’s critical. When kids help, they gain a sense of belonging, which everyone wants. And everyone wants to feel like they can fit in, and are loved. Teach them how to contribute, and to cooperate. Both of these make us feel valuable. And little kids especially just LOVE to help work, cook, and clean. It also prepares them to be good parents if we actually let them help, and be responsible.

Give your children responsibility early so that they can conquer harder things later on in life. Responsibility=choice + consequences. People who take responsibility for their actions learn and grow from their mistakes. As parents, we shouldn’t interfere with the consequences our children deserve, and may have agreed on. Love your kids enough to let them have consequences without interfering, so that they can learn. When we put ourselves in our teen’s service and do not require them to accept responsibility for their own behavior, we are not respecting their ability to handle confrontation and stand on their own two feet. We also cannot be passive parents which are uninvolved parents who want to be more of a buddy or friend to their child, more than an actual parent. They just want the child’s approval, and that leads the kids to think that since their parents will do anything for them, they don’t have to listen. If we are passive parents, and don’t give our children any responsibility, nothing happens, and we are even hurting our child.

When giving your children consequences, put the consequence in the form of a choice. But make sure they are choices that you can live with. Ask them their opinions as to what the consequences should be, and let them decide. And make sure the consequence is logically connected to their wrong actions. There are two ways to give a choice. Give an, either/or choice. This works when wanting your kids to stop doing something. When you want kids to start doing something, give them a when/then choice. But these are not to be used as bribes. It was going to happen anyway, you are just emphasizing that the chore needs to be done before anything else, or something like that. And go through with the consequence. Do what you say you are going to do.

The key to communication is to start gently, then gradually get firmer. Use a polite request first, then if that doesn’t work, use an “I message”-it makes the problem the enemy, not the person, and if either aren’t working, use a firm reminder. Tell them. Keep it firm, calm and simple, and do not lecture. It doesn’t help, and it doesn’t get the point you want to make across. And expect your kids to test your patience. It may get worse before it gets better. But children need to learn responsibility, and know that there are consequences to everything that they do.

Make sure you figure out their feelings when discussing the problems. Don’t start off telling them to shape up. Talk to them and find out why they are making the choices that they are. Then let them know that there are still limits in the situation. Then try to find alternatives. It lets the kids know that you are willing to work with them, and let them help decide the things that they can do better. Put them into actions. Then decide the consequences, and make sure they are willing to put into action, the new alternative. The more you discuss feelings, limits, and alternatives, the less you need to use the consequences. And when your child has shaped up, notice their efforts, and recognize them and thank or praise them for following through with the agreements.

Ways that we discourage our teens is by expecting too little, focusing on their mistakes, expecting too much, and overprotecting. It destroys their self-esteem, and they will shut down, and not want to share anything, because they’ll think that nothing will be good enough. And if they don’t want to share, we can just encourage them to do what’s right. They need our unconditional acceptance of love. They need to know that they are valued for themselves, no matter what they do, and how important they are. Instead of expecting too little, show confidence. Instead of focusing on the mistakes, build on their strengths. Instead of expecting too much, learn to value the good they do. And instead of overprotecting, stimulate their independence, and teach them to do things for themselves.

When we don’t get our needs met, we try to receive it with a negative approach. When people don’t get enough attention, they will do anything to get it. Children especially are driven by needs. But unfortunately, you cannot get enough negative attention to feel good. So wise parents will offer concern, and love freely, and don’t wait till a kid is naughty to give them that attention they need. Encourage positive behavior. Write notes and put your thoughts in writing, because it can have a lasting effect on your child, or anyone. Write about their strengths, what you particularly like about them, and areas where you’ve seen improvement.

I was actually just looking through my messages, and found a couple of super nice texts from people that I truly look up to, and admire. These messages really meant a lot to me, and it’s just nice to know when I’m feeling lonely or sad, that there are people who love and care about me, and believe that I am an amazing person, and that I can be someone who can influence others for the better. I know that whenever nice things are said, it makes me feel so much better about myself, and it’s then easier for me to be nice to others. So I would just invite you to go and write to someone how important they are, and how much they mean to you. I know it has affected me, and it will affect the person you tell or write, for the better. Everyone is special and important, and the Lord loves everyone. YOU are special and important, and the Lord loves YOU. I KNOW that that is true, and don’t let any dumb thoughts get into your head saying otherwise. You are awesome. Especially for reading my blog! Because I know that a lot of it doesn’t make much sense. Sorry I’m not the best writer. So Thanks for reading!!

Oh! And if you want a guide on how to be better parents… Read the Book of Mormon. Seriously. This book gives so many examples of awesome parents, and what they do for their children. There are many examples of fantastic parenting, and fantastic parenting styles, you just gotta look for them!! Starting out, in 1st Nephi Chapter 1 verse 1 it says, “I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father… having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God…” Parents are pretty important if they are mentioned in the first verse in the Book of Mormon. And also, why we do what we do is found in 2nd Nephi 25:26. Look it up, and don’t be lazy, unless you have it memorized- then good for you. But teach your kids, and raise them right, and in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Because it’s the best freakin church ever. Seriously.