Gender Roles and Marriage

This week in class, we talked a lot about gender typical behaviors and roles. I definitely believe that boys and girls, women and men are just naturally different. Everyone is different. We all have different roles, and are interested in different things and at different times. We can expose people to different things, but it’s up to them to decide what they are actually interested in. I definitely believe this to be true because there have been things in my own life, that have been pressured on me, like playing the violin, by my mom, dad, sister, teacher, and other family members, but because I just wasn't interested in that, I stopped trying and caring. We talked about how female tendencies are different than male tendencies by the toys we play with, how we act, how we treat people, how we express ourselves, and other ways. We are different because of social influences like the media, and people interaction, but also because in Heaven, we were created as either a man or woman.

So basically in class, we discussed if we are who we are because of nature- which is how we were born, or nurture-how we became by influences. And while I definitely believe that Heavenly Father made us who we are, I also believe that we are shaped and defined by this world.  In the Family: A Proclamation to the World it states that women are primarily responsible to nurture and care for children. This does not mean that this is the only role women/mothers have, but it what we are primarily responsible for. In the Proclamation, it states that men are primarily responsible to provide, protect, and preside. Both roles of men and women are equally important. One role or person is not better than the other. And I think that these roles are here for us, for a reason. It gives everyone something to do, and to be responsible for. And if one role doesn't get filled in a family, like if a single mother is raising her kids by herself, she will take upon herself to fulfill the roles of the man. So it doesn't really matter how these roles are filled, it just matters that they are.

In class we also talked about how marriage is not natural, because it is combining two very different people together, and making them be as one. And as I was thinking about this, I realized that this is so true! It’s not a natural thing to do, but thankfully we do it anyways and Heavenly Father wants us to marry. But with that being said, marriage is defined as a man and a woman lawfully and legally married. Once married, we have to be as one and cleave unto each other. Genesis 2:24. Which is so awesome, because once married, we have a family, and can create families. We help each other in marriage, and change each other for the better as long as both partners are close to God. I know that we each have a certain role, and we have those roles so that we can ALL grow closer to Christ. I know that marriage in a family is the best way to get all the roles fulfilled and I can’t wait until I can someday get married and start a family of my own, and bring children into the world so that they can do the same.

Families are the BEST!

So I just had to write something about my weekend, because it was truly a crazy weekend, and it was Mother’s day, so how can I NOT write about my mother?!! But I KNOW without a doubt, that the Lord loves us, and He is always watching out for us. So anyways, this last weekend, everything was all fine, and happy and good, because I was prepared to give my lesson in Gospel Doctrine, and of course because it was Mother’s day! After my lesson was over, we all leave to go to relief society and priesthood, and I see my brother’s roommate walking by, and ask him where Nathan was, since I didn’t see him in Sacrament.  Well, he gets this concerned look on his face, and says, “Has Lindsay called you yet?” And since my sister in law Lindsay is pregnant, I figured Nate was helping her with something, or like, giving her a blessing or something. But no. So I call Lindsay and she said something along these lines, “So as you’ve noticed, Nate isn’t at church today. Yesterday, around 9am, him and Jarin (my cousin), and Simon (my brothers roommate) left to go to the ice caves, and they haven’t come back yet. And this morning, Barrett, (my brother married to Lindsay) and Matt (Jarins brother in law) and their friend went to the ice caves this morning to try to find them. Denis called search and rescue, the police, and pretty much everyone he could, this morning at 5 when he knew something was wrong.” Well at this point, I had no idea what to think, and all these bad solutions were running through my mind, mostly the idea that they had all died. And this was pretty much the only evidence I had. After I hung up with Lindsay, I immediately went into the bathroom. And cried.

After about 15 minutes, I realized that my crying wasn’t doing any good, and that I needed to pray. Really hard. And that EVERYONE else on the entire planet needed to pray for my brother too. So I went back into relief society, and told my relief society president to tell everyone to pray for them as well. And then I sat down, and tears just wouldn’t stop coming. And of course whenever someone asked me what was wrong, I couldn’t say anything and just cried harder. But, after all the announcements, the relief society president looked at me, and asked if everyone could get down on their knees, so that we could all pray together. That was way cool of her to do that, and I just felt that the Spirit was there. So during the lesson, Denis comes in, and tells me that search and rescue have found Nate’s car, and they are headed into the cave to find them. And just to let you all know, it takes about 8 hours to get through the whole cave. And this was an ice cave. And they have already been in there for about 24 hours. Which a LONG time!!

Anyways, Denis leaves, and then soon enough relief society is over, and then I practically race home, ball my eyes out on my bed, and then get ready to walk over to Barrett’s apartment. On my way over there, I pretty much call my whole family, and a couple of Nate’s closest friends, just to notify them and to tell them to keep Nate in their prayers. And Jarin and Simon. When I get to Barrett’s, me and Lindsay are just sitting on the couch, waiting for Barrett to call and give us an update, and she’s trying to tell me that everything is gunna be ok, and that they are tough boys. But half of me is still thinking of all the bad things that really could be happening. Worst Sunday ever? Yes. But then, Barrett finally calls, after about an hour, and tells me that they found all three of them, and they think they are all ok. Well, the search and rescue only saw their little shadow bubbles because it turns out they were stuck behind about a 6 foot wall of ice, a frozen avalanche, making it impossible for them to exit the caves. And what normally is only an 8 hour hike, it took them about 14 hours to get to where they were. So after communicating (by screaming) with the search and rescue team, the boys were able to say that there were no injuries, and that they were all just cold, tired, and wet. So both sides went to work, hacking away at the wall of ice. Once I heard this news, I was quite relieved, but I still wasn’t satisfied until I actually saw those crazy boys with my own eyes. A part of me decided I was just gunna give Nathan a big hug when I first saw him, and then slap him across the face, and tell him how he better not do that. EVER AGAIN. But, luckily for him, I refrained from the slapping part. But it wasn’t until about 8pm Sunday night that I saw him and Simon, and holy cow did it take forever for them to get home. Literally.

Anyways, after seeing Nate, I realized many things. One: By the end of the day, my Sunday had turned out to be the best Sunday. Two: I don’t think I could handle actually losing a sibling. Three: I love Nate. Like A LOT. Four: Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ KNOW us, and they love us SO much. Five: Heavenly Father answers ALL our prayers. Especially mine. Six: Everything is ok in the end. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end. So with all those lessons, I have definitely learned to trust in my Savior, and to let Him take care of all my problems. I love my brother so much. Probably more than he knows. He is an amazing example to me. I know that we always haven’t had the best relationship- I mean, what family doesn’t tease each other or get on each other’s nerves once in a while- but I do know, that I would definitely consider him one of my best friends. And it’s probably not easy having an annoying little sister up at college, wanting to follow him everywhere he goes, but he is just such a good influence on me, it’s hard not to. He is always so fun, and full of energy (sometimes a little too much energy) but his bright smile, and loving personality is exactly what I love. I truly don’t know what I would have done if he never would have come back from those caves, and I just thank Heavenly Father every day that I have him in my life. I am so glad that he is my brother, and that we are sealed together in the same family. I love you Nate!!

So now about my mom. Dang, she is just awesome. I guess I was just born into an awesome family. Aren’t I so lucky? But as I called my mom Sunday night, I could barely say anything to her, because I can’t really put into words how much I love and adore her. She is always so willing to help others, and has the prefect “service” attitude. And this just being my second semester away from home, I have missed her more and more every day. And I don’t know why I miss my home and everyone at home so much more now, than I did my first semester, but it just kinda kills me every time I think about home, and not being able to be there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get all my mom’s qualities, but she has definitely rubbed off on me, and has made me the woman I am today. I know that she genuinely cares about each of her 8 kids, and the rest of our family, and I have felt her prayers. She is truly just amazing. She is always so sweet, and can love anyone unconditionally. If there is any woman I want to be like, it would DEFINITELY have to be my mother. I love and miss her so much, and count down the days that I can go back home. I’m so grateful that she was willing to have each one of my siblings, but especially me. There is just no other family that I would rather be a part of. Well, there are so many more things I could say about everyone in my family, but it would take a VERY. LONG. TIME. But I love the Lord, and know that He answers our prayers, and I also know that Families are the most important thing, and that mine is the BEST!!!! I love you family!!! A LOT!

Family Really Works

So this week in my Family Relations class, we talked about how the family is supposed to work. Together. Which all ties back into the Proclamation, because it’s just that awesome! We talked about how the mother after having kids, attaches to them, but mostly to her daughters. I think it’s just a woman thing. Men do their “Manly Bonding”, and us girls do whatever we do, eat ice cream and watch movies, I don’t know. But when this happens, (the mom and the daughter getting too close), the mother and father then pull away from each other, like a rubber band. This is bad because the family just can’t work like that. Why? Because if we have a mother and daughter who are close, probably a little too close, they form a bond where the mother might become over protective, or over involved in the daughters life. Which means that if the daughter does pretty much ANYTHING, the mother is right there with her. This creates a problem because now, the daughter controls mom because she can MAKE mom respond to her. And daughter can twist it up, so mom takes her side, or mom helps daughter out. So the daughter controls the mom, and gets the reaction she wants, out of mom. And the closer that mom and daughter are, the farther apart they both grow from dad. Which destroys mom and dad’s marriage. And since dad maybe works a lot, is out of the loop, or just gone, he doesn't really connect with his daughter, and is losing connection with his wife, because the bond between mom and daughter are closer than his own. This is wrong, and in Genesis 2:24 it states, "Therefore shall man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." 

I truly believe that nothing is more important in a family, than the relationship between the mother and father. They need each other. They are together for a reason. They need to support each other and realize that they have each other to trust, and love. No one should be closer in a family than the mom and dad.  And once mom and dad are exactly equal, then they can go, and bond with their kids. I know this to be true because of my own parents. As much as my mom loves me, oh and all my other siblings, she loves my dad the most. And my dad loves her the most too. Which is exactly why my family is so close. My mother and father have an equal relationship not only with each other, but also with all of us kids.  And because of the love they have for each other, it has been an example for me and all my siblings. All of my married siblings were married and sealed in the temple worthily, and their temple sealing’s are still valid today, because of their great bonds. So thanks to my parents, my family is staying strong, and we are all trying to do our best, following their example of what a strong marriage is supposed to be like.

So all my talking is leading somewhere I promise. How we can apply this to our lives. So first, ask if there are any cliques or groups in your family, know where they are, and try to find out why they are there. Just realizing that there is a problem conquers half the battle. Then, think about what you can do, to help either build up those relationships that need to be stronger, or break away from those that are too close, that cause uneasiness with others. But hands down, strengthen your relationship with your spouse. And if you’re not married, then…. Strengthen your relationship with Christ, which we should all be doing anyways. He should actually be included in our relationships, but back to our families. Mom and Dad HAVE to have an equal, strong relationship before anything else, so that the kids can look at their parents for an example of a happy, and united marriage, and also, so that the kids know that they are loved by both parents equally, and that they love each other. I LOVE FAMILY!!! Especially mine.